The Tex Avery Story

John Wilkes “Tex” Avery was born on October 24th (Black Thursday), in Kermit, Texas. His parents were former Cleveland hobos who had inherited a ranch from a complete stranger. He also had a little brother named Edwin Thomas Avery.

Tex’s birth was rather unusual. One day, a pregnant Mrs Avery went into the ranch outhouse, and 3 minutes later, she had accidently given birth to Tex. Mr Avery rushed outside to see what the matter was, and Mrs Avery said there was no time to go to the hospital. So Mr called the local doctor. Fortunately, the doctor was there faster than you can say John Brown (or whatever the Texas equivalent of Jack Robinson is)! Mrs Avery stayed in the outhouse, while the doctor delivered the baby, and sure enough, Tex was born in an outhouse. A sign of disaster.

Tex’s early years were not what they were cracked up to be. His parents were too busy looking after the ranch, meaning that whenever baby Tex had an accident (like accidently touching a cactus), he had to until one of his parents were finished with their chores until they could see him.

When Tex was in elementary school, he developed a crush on a beautiful brunette named Millicent Fairchild. At the school talent show, Tex did manage to impress Millie with his banjo playing (something he would use in his television career), but there was another boy after Millie’s affections. A fourth grader named Francis Frontmont. Frank’s talent was to play the piano beyond all positive adjectives in the English language. Millie soon fell for Frank, meaning that Tex lost his favourite girl to a boy whose music was more awesome than his corny banjo playing.

Also during his elementary school years, Tex’s classmates would make fun of his big nose. They would call it names like “Johnny’s Booger-berg” or “Johnny’s seagull-sized sack of snot”. One prank was to lure Tex into a rope trap, and while he was upside down, they would paint his nose red. And when Tex was cut down, his classmates would laugh at him because he looked like a clown with a red nose.

When Tex’s father started paying attention to him, he thought it would be a good idea to turn Tex into a real, he-man cowboy, since they were in Texas. But Tex was a bit of a wimp. Someone you could pick up and shake by the left leg. He couldn’t rope cattle, ride a horse, or even swallow his first piece of steak. Disappointed by his son’s failures, Mr Avery decided to make him do ranch chores. But Tex would usually get out of these chores. First, he would look to see of his father was around, and then, he would sneak into the house and watch cartoons. He was inspired by the cartoons of Tex Avery, the man who created Droopy Dog and Screwy Squirrel. Tex thought he should be in cartoons when he grew up. One day, Mr Avery walked into the house, hot and sweaty from wrestling pigs, when he noticed that his son was sitting in front of the TV. Furious by this, he gave Tex the worst punishment a cowboy could suffer: he took away his Hopalong Cassidy suit.

One day, Mrs Avery was pregnant again. Deciding that it was a girl, she spent months knitting pretty dresses for the baby to wear. When the day arrived, the Averys went to the hospital this time! Unfortunately, the baby turned out to be a boy (Tex’s little brother, Edwin), and because the family were out of material, Tex was forced to wear the same dresses for a year, making him the laughing stock of his school.

However, Tex’s parents started paying more attention to Ed than they did to him. Whenever baby Ed had an accident, Mr or Mrs Avery was there quick as a flash. This made Tex jealous. In fact, Ed was growing up to be a strong, handsome and healthy lad. He could rope cattle, ride a horse, and eat a whole steak, all in one morning. This made Tex even more jealous!

By the time Tex was a teenager, the ranch business was bad. In fact, the family could only afford to send Ed to high school, meaning that Tex had to stay behind to do his stinky chores. When it was Prom Night, Ed decided to bring Tex along. Tex hid his big nose under a bandana. Everything was going well, until Tex caught his bandana on something. And with all his might, he ripped the bandana from off his face. When everyone turned to see Tex, they were all string at him in silence, and then they were all roaring with laughter because his freakish nose had been revealed. They were laughing at him and poking fun at him because of his nose. Upset by this, Tex burst into tear and ran home, crying.

When Tex was a fully grown man, he decided to leave for Hollywood to strike it rich in the animation industry. But his father was disgusted by this, saying that Tex’s place was on the ranch. Tex and his father argued about this for a week, and it resulted in Mr Avery giving up. When the bus for Hollywood arrived, Tex made his farewell:

TEX: Goodbye, Poppa.

MR AVERY: GO, ALREADY!

Ed stayed behind to get the ranch back in shape (which he did). While on the bus, Tex decided to change his name from “John Avery” to “Tex Avery”, thereby copying the animation director of the same name. Tex’s arrival in Hollywood wasn’t very good either. When he got off the bus, he was lured into a poker game...and stripped of all his cash. He then spent the next six weeks as a bum.

Then one day, while Tex was sleeping in a street gutter, a man who was to be forever associated with him almost tripped over him:

SAGEBRUSH SID: I’m sorry, I almost tripped over you! I didn’t see you.

TEX: I didn’t see you either. I was face down!

And that was how Tex met Sagebrush Sid (real name: Sidney Greenstreet Jr.). Sid came from a rich New York family, but he soon grew tired of the high life, and headed to California to live among the common folk. Tex explained that he had no money, so Sid said there was an animation studio hosting auditions for a cartoon show. Seeing this as his big chance, Tex ran to the studio, bringing Sid with him (so he could thank him when he got there). In the waiting room of DIC Entertainment, Sid decided to join Tex, since he thought being a comical actor was a sure fire way of being a common person. When the Producer shouted “Next!”, Tex and Sid went into the Producer’s Office. The Producer asked Tex for his name:

PRODUCER: What’s your name, bub?

TEX: Tex Avery.

PRODUCER: Tex Avery?

TEX: Yeah.

PRODUCER: You were a lot taller when you were alive.

Tex explained that he changed his name on the bus journey, and the Producer picked it up. But when he saw that his name was Tex Avery, he saw it as a sign (sign? If only he had known). He explained that he was producing a cartoon segment show called “The Wacky World of Tex Avery”, and was to be“homage to the brilliant, hilarious and groundbreaking animator Tex Avery and the wonderful squash-and-stretch cartoons of his era”. He cast Tex as the titular cowboy hero, and seeing that Sid was taller than Tex, he cast Sid as Tex’s nemesis,” Sagebrush Sid”. Tex and Sid were delighted by this.

Tex and Sid were driven to the studio that would be producing the show: Tex Avery Studios. They were then introduced to the other characters with their own cartoons: Pompeii Pete, Dan the Man, Einstone, the Cavemen, Genghis & Khannie, Genghis’s soldiers, Freddy the Fly, Amanda Banshee, Louie the Man (Amanda’s groom from “Can't Fly Me Love”, who is Dan’s brother), Maurice & Mooch, Power Pooch, and Little Buddy. They even met Chasity Knott. Tex was at her like a wild animal. Sid approached her like a gentleman. The Producer said that everything was going to be fine.

It was not. The animation was made on a budget, and the show was scarred by bad reviews. And that was just the good part! When Tex would be walking down a street, fans of the animation director of the same name would throw rocks and tomatoes at him. And when those fans went to his mansion, they would break every window and write very nasty things on the walls, one of them saying "Avery Go Home". And it got even worse! When Tex was at an Animated Screen Actor's Guild meeting, he would be tortured, teased, and laughed at by the successes around him, saying he'll never copy the squash & stretch magic of the animation director of the same name.

This would cause Tex to be bad-tempered, insane, and jealous of the toons who were way more successful than him.

When the show was cancelled, Tex seized control of Genghis's soldiers, took over Tex Avery Studios, and had the Producer and the rest of the staff thrown out. He then locked himself away in the studio, and the rest of the characters of the show were forced to be locked away with him.

And to this day, no one’s ever seen him since.

But Tex, his will lost from years of hiding, and his mind twisted of anger, insanity and jealousy of the successes around him, is still waiting for his big chance to return and do it right. He believes he will copy the squash & stretch magic of the animation director of the same name, but just in case he can't do it, he has a little trick up his sleeve....